


Life Goes On

by LeftyVoyager



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3270752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftyVoyager/pseuds/LeftyVoyager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Hunters epilogue.  Chakotay continues to try to help Janeway through the emotional aftermath of hearing from home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Goes On

Life Goes On

Neelix's idea to have a social event the day after the crew received letters from home was the perfect thing to do.  Everyone needed to talk to each other about their letters.  Those that didn't receive one needed comfort from their crewmates.  Many of the former Maqui were in mourning over lost friends.  Janeway circulated the room, captain's mask firmly in place, talking to as many people as she could.  Chakotay did the same while keeping close track of her whereabouts.

She carried on for about an hour after she felt seemed like the required amount of time for the captain to be in attendance.  Then she made what she believed to be a stealthy exit.  Chakotay caught her leaving out of the corner of his eye and followed.  Upon exiting the holodeck, she began walking at a brisk pace.  Chakotay hurried to catch up.  "Captain," he called out.

She froze.  "Chakotay," she answered.  She gave him a weary glance and allowed him to catch up with her.  She then started quickly for the turbolift.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"I just need to be alone," answered the captain.

"No."  They stood, waiting for the lift.

She sighed.  "I understand your concern.  I would just rather you not see me like this."  Janeway straightened and nodded to the crewman who exited the lift while the command team entered.  "Deck Three."

"If not me, who, Kathryn?  You have to let someone in."

"Why?" she argued.  "I intend to go to my quarters, contemplate my existence, have a good cry, and then tomorrow morning, I'll be back on the bridge, good as new.  No need for witnesses."

The lift doors opened, and they walked toward her quarters.  "Kathryn, just let me be there with you so that you feel comfortable being vulnerable with me.  So that you'll never worry about coming to me if you need to talk."

"That's very sweet, Chakotay, but please, just leave me alone," she replied, but did not stop him from entering her quarters.  She dropped onto the couch, feeling the energy drain out of her.  She felt like she was going to cry, but no tears came, yet.  If only he would just go, she thought.

"What are you thinking, Kathryn?"  He sat down at the opposite end of the couch.

She glared at him weakly, "Please go.  That's an order."  

He didn't budge and neither did she.  After a few minutes, the floodgates opened, and she began to cry.  She tried to sob quietly, but soon gave up trying to maintain any kind of facade.  She kept her face turned away from him.

His instinct was to go to her, but he resisted.  He knew that if he wanted her to trust him, he'd have to wait for her to come to him.  "It's okay to cry, Kathryn," he reassured her.

"Not in front of you.  I'm your captain," she sobbed.

"You're my friend, too.  You can be both.  This side of you doesn't scare me.  I'd be afraid to follow a captain that doesn't feel anything," he answered.

After a few minutes, her crying lessened, sobs replaced by shaky breaths.  Finally, she turned her face to look at him.  "Chakotay."

He gave her a tired smile and extended his hand, "Kathryn."

She took his hand, but maintained the distance between them on the couch.  "You know what bothers me the most about this?  It's not Mark.  It's not Starfleet.  It's not even the way the war turned out.  It's the fact that life happened in the Alpha Quadrant while we were gone.  In all the stories I've heard today, that's the underlying theme.  Completely unrealistically, I think in my mind, I thought time would stand still.  And I find myself feeling angry that we were left out.  As if the universe did this to me on purpose.  Crazy, right?  Have I finally lost my mind?"

"It's not crazy, Kathryn.  You've been so focused on what's going on here that you didn't think about what's happening there.  You didn't have to.  And that's okay."

She huffed.  "Chakotay, you think a lot of things are okay that scare the hell out of me."

"Such as?" he asked.

"You watching me cry.  Why, Chakotay?  I would have been just fine if you left me alone."

"And what about next time?  I don't want you to hide from me, Kathryn.  I know you want to maintain a professional distance from your crew.  But in this case, let us be equals.  We can help each other."

"What do you worry about, Chakotay?" she asked, suddenly curious.

"You," he answered honestly, "but also the crew.  I've become the unofficial counselor.  For all the work I've done working to connect with you, I've done just as much, maybe more getting the crew to connect with me.  I worry that I can't.  That I'm not strong enough.  But I continue to try because that's the best I can do."

"That must be hard," said Kathryn with genuine concern.  Just as selfishly as she had thought the Alpha Quadrant wouldn't go on without her, she hadn't thought much about how Chakotay's relationships on Voyager had grown and changed without having anything to do with her.  It gave her a feeling of being left out.

"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't," said Chakotay.  He gave a slight tug of her hand, and she allowed him to pull her into an embrace.

After a long moment, she pulled away and looked him in the eyes.  "Thank you.  You are an exemplary officer and a wonderful friend."

"Anytime, Kathryn," he answered.  "I should go.  Are you okay?"

"I will be.  Thanks to you."  She smiled weakly.

The End.


End file.
